(Today's Music: Bounce by Thousand Foot Krutch)
Lesson Four: There Is No Growth Without Failure
And so we graduate from the repeatable phrases that can be yelled in the pre-game huddle to the underlying messages about basketball, about all sports, and about life in general.
Lesson four is one of the basic instructions that lurks behind the cries of "Not Today!" and "It Doesn't Matter!" Not Today sets an attitude of success and a determination not to fail. It Doesn't Matter accepts past failures and dismisses their relevance to the present. But while an attitude that focuses on success and doesn't dwell on failures is important to achieving success, the cold hard truth is this:
No one grows through success.
Success boosts confidence and that's a good thing. Success helps build a positive self-image and creates a bond amongst teammates. Also a good thing. I'm not saying that success is bad. If success was bad, we wouldn't pursue it. Success is an end for which we all strive. But success is an end. Success, by it's very implied nature, means you're done. You finished and you won. There is nothing left to do. There's no more growing to do.
And where self-confidence and positive self-image are great things, they aren't growth. Growth, fortitude, integrity, and character are a sword forged in the searing fire of failure. These are the weapons used to endure future trials.
In the end, feelings of self-worth won't bring about the Kingdom of God. Character will.
Self confidence is, especially in young men, a brittle thing. It can be easily constructed and even more easily destroyed. The point of growth is not to change what you are, but to change who you are.
Success, once achieved, requires no more effort. Failure requires work to overcome.
Failure often requires introspection. Failure means examining the details, identifying things that need to change, then changing them. Of course, when we're talking about our personalities, making changes is no trivial task.
In John 15 Jesus says, "[The Father] cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." We, the Christians of the world, are the branches from the Vine. When we live for Christ, we bear fruit. But we still sin every day. We still covet things and strive for things that have nothing to do with glorifying God. These are branches that God prunes. The method of pruning is often personal failure. Why? Because, like weeds, branches that bear no fruit suck vital nutrients from the branches that do bear fruit. If your mind is focused on wealth or power or sex, then it is distracted from what God wants you to be doing. And so we screw up and the money is gone. We fail and our power disappears. And now, when we've told ourselves It Doesn't Matter and we've pushed our self-pity aside, we can look at the failure and recognize it for what it was - God gift of an opportunity to grow to be more like Him.
So, again, what does this mean for the boys on my team? It means this: Declare that you will not fail today, but don't be afraid of failure. Fear of failure means fear of growth and learning. Failure is a powerful tool that you can use to build a better, more lasting success later. Don't dwell on failure when it occurs by immersing yourself in self-pity, but examine your failure to identify why you failed, then establish a plan to change it.
Boys, you're 14 years old. Right now, everything about you seems to be about growing. So use everything you are right now to strive for success. And when you fail, grow. Become something bigger and better and new. Then do it again.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
Finish It
Lesson Three: Finish It
This one isn't so much a yell and respond sort of message. I had intended to hold this one off for a while so that "Not Today" and "It Doesn't Matter" could sink in a little more, but once again circumstances (or, more likely, Providence) have intervened.
We had a game last Thursday. We led the whole game. Never trailed once. But in the 4th Qtr, the other team pulled it together. Oh, and they pressed too. Now, we've practiced press breaking, but the boys started to panic. And with the panic came the mental errors. The other team only led once, but it was for the last 2 seconds of the game. Like so many of my favorite teams (Cubs, Chargers, Notre Dame), we couldn't close the deal.
So, the third lesson is Finish It. Finish It is about perseverance. It's also about sustaining the intensity necessary to win. I want them to learn that a success hasn't been achieved until the job is done.
There's no such thing as success at halftime.
This lesson is also about the inherent uselessness of good intentions. As the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." In order to finish it, you must first start it. But even that isn't good enough. Once you've started it, you stop at nothing until you've seen it all the way through.
"Not Today" and "It Doesn't Matter" are about orienting your mind toward success. "Finish It" takes it from your mind and implements it into physical activity that accomplishes a goal. It isn't enough to try. Maybe Yoda summed it best.
"Do or do not. There is no try."
On expansion, this may well be the most difficult of the three lessons to accept in a Christian life. We frequently hide behind the lie that "trying" to be a Christian is good enough.
"I tried to be good, but I just couldn't help myself."
"I tried. I really did. But it was just too much."
"Believe me, I tried to hold the marriage together but it just didn't work."
Lies. All of them. The first one is a common phrase from my 6-year-old. The second is just someone's way of saying that they didn't want it badly enough. The last is an extension of an underlying pride that has forgotten that the entire purpose of our lives is one of servitude and that what we do or don't get out of it is totally irrelevant, popular psychology to the contrary. Just another smattering of excuses for failure for which we don't want to accept personal responsibility.
Christianity is a life-long battle that is renewed every day. There is never a time at which you've "done your part." It's never someone else's turn. No matter your age, you are never entitled to retirement from God's service. Not until you hear it from the Father Himself. When you stand before Him and hear the words we all work for, "Well done good and faithful servant," then and only then are you done.
Ask my parents about this one. My Dad and Mom graduated college together at 66 and 63, respectively. Then started their own business. Now, with my Dad in his later 70's, they aren't killing time in Florida living the good life. They continue to suffer through one harsh South Bend winter after another, teaching the Word to those who want to learn, marching and praying to protect the lives of the innocent, and working to stabilize the lives of two divorced 50-year-old children whose lives have fallen apart. My mom's brother has one home in northwest Indiana and another in Fort Myers, Florida. He has all the money he needs and plays 200+ rounds of golf per year. It isn't fair, but then if you've read enough of this blog you'll know what my views on "fair" are. But Mom and Dad will be ready. Uncle Ed's going to need to explain why he buried his talent instead of doubling it.
So, getting back to the boys and their basketball. Gracious, did I ever wander on this one.
There are lots of ways to apply this one:
When they are tired of running ladders (aka line drills) and start to jog the last few yards instead of sprinting. It's time to give whatever they have left and finish it.
When they miss the layup. It's time to grab that rebound and put it back up. And if they miss, get it again. No stopping until the bucket has been made.
When they miss the jump shot. Follow every shot and get the rebound. Don't stop until they have scored.
When the temptation is to relax, become more aggressive instead. If we have the lead, protect it with the press.
Focus. Use the game clock wisely. Use fouls intelligently. Employ every trick to preserve the lead instead of assuming it will preserve itself.
Finish it. If you haven't succeeded, then you aren't done.
This one isn't so much a yell and respond sort of message. I had intended to hold this one off for a while so that "Not Today" and "It Doesn't Matter" could sink in a little more, but once again circumstances (or, more likely, Providence) have intervened.
We had a game last Thursday. We led the whole game. Never trailed once. But in the 4th Qtr, the other team pulled it together. Oh, and they pressed too. Now, we've practiced press breaking, but the boys started to panic. And with the panic came the mental errors. The other team only led once, but it was for the last 2 seconds of the game. Like so many of my favorite teams (Cubs, Chargers, Notre Dame), we couldn't close the deal.
So, the third lesson is Finish It. Finish It is about perseverance. It's also about sustaining the intensity necessary to win. I want them to learn that a success hasn't been achieved until the job is done.
There's no such thing as success at halftime.
This lesson is also about the inherent uselessness of good intentions. As the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." In order to finish it, you must first start it. But even that isn't good enough. Once you've started it, you stop at nothing until you've seen it all the way through.
"Not Today" and "It Doesn't Matter" are about orienting your mind toward success. "Finish It" takes it from your mind and implements it into physical activity that accomplishes a goal. It isn't enough to try. Maybe Yoda summed it best.
"Do or do not. There is no try."
On expansion, this may well be the most difficult of the three lessons to accept in a Christian life. We frequently hide behind the lie that "trying" to be a Christian is good enough.
"I tried to be good, but I just couldn't help myself."
"I tried. I really did. But it was just too much."
"Believe me, I tried to hold the marriage together but it just didn't work."
Lies. All of them. The first one is a common phrase from my 6-year-old. The second is just someone's way of saying that they didn't want it badly enough. The last is an extension of an underlying pride that has forgotten that the entire purpose of our lives is one of servitude and that what we do or don't get out of it is totally irrelevant, popular psychology to the contrary. Just another smattering of excuses for failure for which we don't want to accept personal responsibility.
Christianity is a life-long battle that is renewed every day. There is never a time at which you've "done your part." It's never someone else's turn. No matter your age, you are never entitled to retirement from God's service. Not until you hear it from the Father Himself. When you stand before Him and hear the words we all work for, "Well done good and faithful servant," then and only then are you done.
Ask my parents about this one. My Dad and Mom graduated college together at 66 and 63, respectively. Then started their own business. Now, with my Dad in his later 70's, they aren't killing time in Florida living the good life. They continue to suffer through one harsh South Bend winter after another, teaching the Word to those who want to learn, marching and praying to protect the lives of the innocent, and working to stabilize the lives of two divorced 50-year-old children whose lives have fallen apart. My mom's brother has one home in northwest Indiana and another in Fort Myers, Florida. He has all the money he needs and plays 200+ rounds of golf per year. It isn't fair, but then if you've read enough of this blog you'll know what my views on "fair" are. But Mom and Dad will be ready. Uncle Ed's going to need to explain why he buried his talent instead of doubling it.
So, getting back to the boys and their basketball. Gracious, did I ever wander on this one.
There are lots of ways to apply this one:
When they are tired of running ladders (aka line drills) and start to jog the last few yards instead of sprinting. It's time to give whatever they have left and finish it.
When they miss the layup. It's time to grab that rebound and put it back up. And if they miss, get it again. No stopping until the bucket has been made.
When they miss the jump shot. Follow every shot and get the rebound. Don't stop until they have scored.
When the temptation is to relax, become more aggressive instead. If we have the lead, protect it with the press.
Focus. Use the game clock wisely. Use fouls intelligently. Employ every trick to preserve the lead instead of assuming it will preserve itself.
Finish it. If you haven't succeeded, then you aren't done.
Friday, December 02, 2005
It Doesn't Matter
(Today's Music: My Heartstrings Come Undone by Demon Hunter)
Lesson 2: It Doesn't Matter
Me: "He's bigger than you are!"
Player: "Doesn't matter!"
Me: "Last time you tried that, you screwed up!"
Player: "Doesn't matter!"
Me: "You've been out there all game. You're tired and your mouth is bleeding."
Player: "Doesn't matter!"
Me: "You're slacking! Their team obviously wants it more!"
Players: "No coach. Not today!" (I love it when they figure out my tricks)
So what's this one about? This one is about overcoming adversity. Where "Not Today" is about refusing to fail, "It Doesn't Matter" is about recognizing the inevitability of failure and putting it behind you quickly. It's about not losing confidence in yourself and your teammates when shots aren't falling and the other team is killing you with the press. It's about getting angry instead of getting depressed. Low morale feeds on itself and makes pessimism a reality because that's what they expect to happen.
Thus, you get quitters. Quitters in basketball become quitters everywhere else too.
And so, I take their perceived failures and amplify them. I force them to fail even worse. If they are failing to make the shots, I'll harass them to make them miss even more. If they keep losing the dribble, I'll steal it too. If they fall down, I'll push them down again when they get back up. Again. And again. And they get frustrated. Some start to cry. But those are the ones who will then get mad. Then no matter what I do, they will get back up and get in my face just to defy me.
And then I win.
Because now they know that I can push them down. The other coach can push them down. The other players on their team can push them down. The other team can knock them down and elbow them in the face and punch them in the crotch. But defeat is a decision they, and only they, make. Others can and will knock them down, but only they can keep themselves down. Because the enemy is in their heads, not on the court and not in the classroom and not in the world. Despair is a choice and if they believe that no one can keep them down, then no one can.
Of course, this technique comes with a bunch of caveats. The "push them down" thing is entirely metaphorical. I'd have a mess of lawsuits on my hands if I really went around shoving my players to the floor. And some, many in fact, just don't have the personal courage and character to endure this kind of punishment. The point is to forge them, not to break them. The 13-year-old ego is a fragile, complicated thing. But the leaders, the good ones whose parents and teachers have done their jobs, will grow.
You've never been good in math before. Doesn't matter.
They tell you you're too slow. Doesn't matter.
He said you suck. Doesn't matter.
You got up this morning and lifted your eyes to Heaven and faced the day with the conviction that today you weren't going to let your Savior down. But now you've done it anyway.
You had a chance to defend that younger kid when others were making fun of him and you didn't because you were afraid of what others would think of you. You failed.
You had a chance to turn and walk away when your buddy pulled out Uncle Mike's stock of old Playboys. But you didn't. And you fed your mind with images that turned these women into things instead of people. And now they replay in your mind like a song you can't shake. And you see them over and over. And the guilt wars with desire. And you failed again.
Then your mom came home from work and was clearly anxious. She was frazzled and trying to get dinner ready and still stressing over the things that happened today. And you were so wrapped up in your own self-pity and guilt and anger that you walked away and shut yourself in your room instead of helping her. Now you failed again because you failed earlier.
It doesn't matter. So you failed. Get over it.
Self-pity has no place in this world, or the next. There is no benefit to self-pity. It is evil. It is sin. Always. Every time.
So your failures do not matter. Get on your knees, lift those eyes to Heaven again and tell your Redeemer that you failed and you're sorry. Really sorry. But you know it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter now because you know He has washed it away. Now it doesn't matter to Him either. Because when you've failed in the past, it doesn't matter now. It doesn't matter how badly you've failed because Jesus will never leave you, even if everyone else does.
Because Jesus knew what mattered - and what didn't. Money doesn't matter. Pride doesn't matter. Power doesn't matter. Control doesn't matter. Sex doesn't matter.
Life matters. Salvation matters. Looking to God for the answers matters. The Bible matters.
So why didn't He come down off that cross and smite the Pharisees and fry the unbelievers and put Caiphas up on that cross? Why didn't He save Himself? Because it didn't matter. He loves you. That matters.
Lesson 2: It Doesn't Matter
Me: "He's bigger than you are!"
Player: "Doesn't matter!"
Me: "Last time you tried that, you screwed up!"
Player: "Doesn't matter!"
Me: "You've been out there all game. You're tired and your mouth is bleeding."
Player: "Doesn't matter!"
Me: "You're slacking! Their team obviously wants it more!"
Players: "No coach. Not today!" (I love it when they figure out my tricks)
So what's this one about? This one is about overcoming adversity. Where "Not Today" is about refusing to fail, "It Doesn't Matter" is about recognizing the inevitability of failure and putting it behind you quickly. It's about not losing confidence in yourself and your teammates when shots aren't falling and the other team is killing you with the press. It's about getting angry instead of getting depressed. Low morale feeds on itself and makes pessimism a reality because that's what they expect to happen.
Thus, you get quitters. Quitters in basketball become quitters everywhere else too.
And so, I take their perceived failures and amplify them. I force them to fail even worse. If they are failing to make the shots, I'll harass them to make them miss even more. If they keep losing the dribble, I'll steal it too. If they fall down, I'll push them down again when they get back up. Again. And again. And they get frustrated. Some start to cry. But those are the ones who will then get mad. Then no matter what I do, they will get back up and get in my face just to defy me.
And then I win.
Because now they know that I can push them down. The other coach can push them down. The other players on their team can push them down. The other team can knock them down and elbow them in the face and punch them in the crotch. But defeat is a decision they, and only they, make. Others can and will knock them down, but only they can keep themselves down. Because the enemy is in their heads, not on the court and not in the classroom and not in the world. Despair is a choice and if they believe that no one can keep them down, then no one can.
Of course, this technique comes with a bunch of caveats. The "push them down" thing is entirely metaphorical. I'd have a mess of lawsuits on my hands if I really went around shoving my players to the floor. And some, many in fact, just don't have the personal courage and character to endure this kind of punishment. The point is to forge them, not to break them. The 13-year-old ego is a fragile, complicated thing. But the leaders, the good ones whose parents and teachers have done their jobs, will grow.
You've never been good in math before. Doesn't matter.
They tell you you're too slow. Doesn't matter.
He said you suck. Doesn't matter.
You got up this morning and lifted your eyes to Heaven and faced the day with the conviction that today you weren't going to let your Savior down. But now you've done it anyway.
You had a chance to defend that younger kid when others were making fun of him and you didn't because you were afraid of what others would think of you. You failed.
You had a chance to turn and walk away when your buddy pulled out Uncle Mike's stock of old Playboys. But you didn't. And you fed your mind with images that turned these women into things instead of people. And now they replay in your mind like a song you can't shake. And you see them over and over. And the guilt wars with desire. And you failed again.
Then your mom came home from work and was clearly anxious. She was frazzled and trying to get dinner ready and still stressing over the things that happened today. And you were so wrapped up in your own self-pity and guilt and anger that you walked away and shut yourself in your room instead of helping her. Now you failed again because you failed earlier.
It doesn't matter. So you failed. Get over it.
Self-pity has no place in this world, or the next. There is no benefit to self-pity. It is evil. It is sin. Always. Every time.
So your failures do not matter. Get on your knees, lift those eyes to Heaven again and tell your Redeemer that you failed and you're sorry. Really sorry. But you know it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter now because you know He has washed it away. Now it doesn't matter to Him either. Because when you've failed in the past, it doesn't matter now. It doesn't matter how badly you've failed because Jesus will never leave you, even if everyone else does.
Because Jesus knew what mattered - and what didn't. Money doesn't matter. Pride doesn't matter. Power doesn't matter. Control doesn't matter. Sex doesn't matter.
Life matters. Salvation matters. Looking to God for the answers matters. The Bible matters.
So why didn't He come down off that cross and smite the Pharisees and fry the unbelievers and put Caiphas up on that cross? Why didn't He save Himself? Because it didn't matter. He loves you. That matters.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Not Today
Lesson 1: Not Today
So how do these lessons work? It goes something like this:
The boys are doing a drill. Maybe it's a shuffle drill or a defensive drill or a rebounding drill, or whatever. As they are doing the drill, I'll come up and yell in their faces.
"You're gonna miss that shot!"
And they yell back.
"Not today!"
See how that works?
"Their forward has scored at least 20 points in the last 3 games!"
"Not today!"
It's about overcoming the odds. It's about determination and refusing to be intimidated. It's about believing in what you can do, not just what you have done. Some of these boys haven't grown much yet. Others are monsters. I only have 9 boys on my team this year. Three are under 5 feet tall. One is 6'5". Remember, these are 7th and 8th graders. 12 to 14 year olds. As they grow, their coordination is, well, questionable at times. So they've become accustomed to being clumsy. They have resigned themselves to a certain percentage of failure.
That attitude has no place on my basketball court. That attitude has no place in this life.
It doesn't matter a whit what they did yesterday. It's irrelevant what they do tomorrow. They have a choice to make right now. A choice about today.
Have they dribbled it off their foot? Oh, yes. But not today.
Have they airballed a shot? Many times. But not today.
Have they been out-rebounded by teams that work harder? Yep. But not today.
Does that other team want it more? Not today.
Does that other team have more heart? Not today.
Are they going to fail? No. Not today.
They have fun with it because they quickly start to understand that it's not always about basketball.
Are they going to be lazy and skip their homework? Not today.
Are they going to feel sorry for themselves because that girl didn't smile back? No, not today.
Are they going to make any of a thousand excuses for failure instead of getting the job done? Not today.
And the end of season lesson?
They failed to prepare for a test, and now they have a perfect opportunity to cheat without anyone else knowing. Will they do it?
The world will challenge them every day to choose it over the Will of God. Are they going to listen to the lies of the world?
Their hormones will tempt them to break faith with Jesus and to use their bodies in a way not meant outside marriage. Will they give in?
Satan is waiting around every corner, within every decision. Every decision of every day is a choice to accept the Will of God or to turn away from God and sin. Each morning, these boys will face the sunrise with the opportunity to be righteous or to sin. Will they defy their Maker? Will they take the easy path and give in to Satan's crooning?
No. No way. Ain't gonna happen. Not today.
So how do these lessons work? It goes something like this:
The boys are doing a drill. Maybe it's a shuffle drill or a defensive drill or a rebounding drill, or whatever. As they are doing the drill, I'll come up and yell in their faces.
"You're gonna miss that shot!"
And they yell back.
"Not today!"
See how that works?
"Their forward has scored at least 20 points in the last 3 games!"
"Not today!"
It's about overcoming the odds. It's about determination and refusing to be intimidated. It's about believing in what you can do, not just what you have done. Some of these boys haven't grown much yet. Others are monsters. I only have 9 boys on my team this year. Three are under 5 feet tall. One is 6'5". Remember, these are 7th and 8th graders. 12 to 14 year olds. As they grow, their coordination is, well, questionable at times. So they've become accustomed to being clumsy. They have resigned themselves to a certain percentage of failure.
That attitude has no place on my basketball court. That attitude has no place in this life.
It doesn't matter a whit what they did yesterday. It's irrelevant what they do tomorrow. They have a choice to make right now. A choice about today.
Have they dribbled it off their foot? Oh, yes. But not today.
Have they airballed a shot? Many times. But not today.
Have they been out-rebounded by teams that work harder? Yep. But not today.
Does that other team want it more? Not today.
Does that other team have more heart? Not today.
Are they going to fail? No. Not today.
They have fun with it because they quickly start to understand that it's not always about basketball.
Are they going to be lazy and skip their homework? Not today.
Are they going to feel sorry for themselves because that girl didn't smile back? No, not today.
Are they going to make any of a thousand excuses for failure instead of getting the job done? Not today.
And the end of season lesson?
They failed to prepare for a test, and now they have a perfect opportunity to cheat without anyone else knowing. Will they do it?
The world will challenge them every day to choose it over the Will of God. Are they going to listen to the lies of the world?
Their hormones will tempt them to break faith with Jesus and to use their bodies in a way not meant outside marriage. Will they give in?
Satan is waiting around every corner, within every decision. Every decision of every day is a choice to accept the Will of God or to turn away from God and sin. Each morning, these boys will face the sunrise with the opportunity to be righteous or to sin. Will they defy their Maker? Will they take the easy path and give in to Satan's crooning?
No. No way. Ain't gonna happen. Not today.
Basketball's 5 Lessons for Life
I coach basketball for the 7th and 8th grade boys at my daughter's parochial school.
I make a special point of mentioning "parochial" so that later when I admit I use the word "Jesus" in front of these kids, I won't get some self-absorbed, screwed-up, card-carrying ACLU freak calling local lawyers trying sue me.
Oh. sorry for the redundancy.
To my knowledge there are no ACLU types who aren't self-absorbed screwed-up freaks.
Anyhoo, each week I've been introducing a theme to the boys. A short, easy to remember phrase for the week. Then I yell at them to provoke them to yell the phrase back at me. Since I consider these little lessons to be even more important off the court than on, I figured I'd jot them down here. It would be a hoot if one of them were savvy enough to find this blog.
So, let the 5 basketball lessons for life begin...
I make a special point of mentioning "parochial" so that later when I admit I use the word "Jesus" in front of these kids, I won't get some self-absorbed, screwed-up, card-carrying ACLU freak calling local lawyers trying sue me.
Oh. sorry for the redundancy.
To my knowledge there are no ACLU types who aren't self-absorbed screwed-up freaks.
Anyhoo, each week I've been introducing a theme to the boys. A short, easy to remember phrase for the week. Then I yell at them to provoke them to yell the phrase back at me. Since I consider these little lessons to be even more important off the court than on, I figured I'd jot them down here. It would be a hoot if one of them were savvy enough to find this blog.
So, let the 5 basketball lessons for life begin...
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